So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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