I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
