I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
