I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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