i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
