I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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