he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
