My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
