Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
