how can u be prego again
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
