You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
