I think I won the penis lottery.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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