i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
