My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
