Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And then he peed in my hair
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