Your mouth is God's brothel.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
