is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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