guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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