i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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