I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
