we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
