Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
