i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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