Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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