there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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