he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
