I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just want to make out with him forever
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
