oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
