It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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