The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
