I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
