Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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