she was so not down for the gang bang
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
