i just wanna soil my oats bro
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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