i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
