so let's talk penis.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
