I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
