Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
