hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Houston, we have a squirter
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
