I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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