ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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