Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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