No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
