its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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