If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
