Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
