I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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