Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
