how can u be prego again
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
