At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
