Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
