Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
