Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
